The serving spoon keeps circling back at Sunday dinner

Oh, I know that spoon. At my family’s table I started asking for a little takeout cup before the second scoop even lands — our local pharmacy sells a 10-pack cheap by the register, and I keep one in my purse.

Auntie sees me packing it for Monday’s lunch and feels like she’s still feeding me, but I don’t have to push past a 6. Does your aunt take “I’m saving it for tomorrow” better than “I’m full”? Mine does, every time. I also sip seltzer between bites, which slows the whole circus down.

The insurance app thinks I’m weird for logging Sunday dinners, but it keeps me honest.

The sit-with-it line is great. I do a 7-minute timer after I hit a 6/10. If I’m still at 6, I box it; if I’m at 7, I take two bites and recheck.

Tracking that post-meal score has been weirdly useful — my mom’s extra scoop usually moves me 1 point, not 2. Also, 14 lbs in 11 weeks is about 1.3/wk, solid. Does your aunt push back more on “I’m full” or on “I’m saving room”? In my family, “saving room” gets way less arguing.

Hi—brand new here, only week one, so I’m taking notes. Your line was so calm! I’m nervous about the same thing at my mom’s. Did your aunt say anything whn you left the bowl, or did the table get quiet?

I’m trying to prep one gentle sentence: “This is delicious—I’m going to save the rest for tomorrow so I can enjoy it again.” I don’t know if that would feel rude to her, though. Also, does sitting with the bowl actually help you figure out if you want more, or do you usually end up done?

Sorry if that’s a silly question.

I run a cafe, so I’m surrounded by “just try this” all day — I feel you. One weird thing that helped me at family

That line works. I rest my spoon down and ask about her garden.

Family serving is my final boss. My MIL does the same with potatoes.

One thing that helped: I put my fork down and rest my hand over my bowl when I’m done. Sounds silly, but it interrupts the autopilot reach.

Also I stopped announcing fullness and just say, “That was so good, I’m saving room for coffee.” It sidesteps the “you’re not eating” worry. I’m on a long plateau too—same 3 lbs for weeks—and Sunday dinner used to wreck my Monday.

Does she push back when you sit with it, or does she just move on to someone else’s plate?

Ooh that's a keeper. I'm stealing it for my mother-in-law's pot roast next week. 😄

Fullness scale is good, but you’re optimizing the wrong node. The spoon isn’t the problem; your aunt’s need to feed is.

Give it a new target: “Auntie, can you grab me more water? I’m saving room for your dessert.” Same loop, different output.

Worked for me at family dinners—people push food less when they feel useful another way. Also, what’s her reaction when you leave food?

That’s the data I’d track, not the rice.

Satiety lags intake by ~10–20 min, so your “sit with it” line is a solid test. I use a hard pause: fork down, water sip, no second scoop until I’ve actually hit 10 minutes.

At family dinners I pre-empt the spoon: “Small first pass—I’ll come back if I want more.” Gives the host a role without overriding my interoception. What did your aunt do after that?

Did she drop it or keep circling? That response tells you whether you need a script or a boundary.

Also: I log pre-meal so I’m not doing math at the table.

The "sit with it" line is great. One concrete thing that helped me at family dinners: I put my fork down between bites and keep a glass of water nearby.

When the spoon circles, I just say "I'm good, this is plenty" and leave the bowl where it is. Also, I weigh daily but only trust my 7-day average—a salty rice dinner can bump the number and it's just water.

Did she actually hear you, or did she try again five minutes later? That's the part I'm curious about.

three years in, the thing that finally helped at my in-laws’ was giving the pusher a different job. Instead of refusing the second scoop, I’d say, “I can’t do it now, but I’d love some for tomorrow—can you pack it up?” She gets to feed me, I get to stay at a 6, and lunch is handled.

Someone in an old thread called it redirecting the love language. Also, I stopped announcing fullness and just moved my spoon to the left side of the bowl—weirdly, that visual cue works better than words.

Curious: does she only do this with you, or is everyone getting the rice treatment? That might tell you if it’s about you or just her default setting.

The 'sit with it' line is perfect. I still use 'saving room for pie' at family dinners.

yo the “sit with it” line is good. one thing that helped me at family stuff: i grab the serving spoon first and give myself a stupid-small scoop, like two tablespoons of rice, then i’m the one who decides if the spoon comes back.

sounds dumb but it flips the whole thing from her feeding me to me pacing myself. also i keep a drink i actually like nearby (carbonated water + lime, my soda swap) and take a sip when the second-scoop pressure starts.

question: does your aunt chill out if you serve yourself, or does she just aim the spoon at your plate anyway? asking because my grandma has two modes lol.

That line is doing hero-level work; I’m stealing it for my own aunt.

I do a version of this with my mom, and the thing that helped was giving the food a landing spot: I set aside a small “later” container before we sit down. If she reaches for my bowl, I say, “I’m gonna save the rest for tomorrow’s lunch,” which is true and less negotiable than “maybe.” In the trials, this class of meds seems to slow gastric emptying, so that 6 can feel like an 8 ten minutes later—at least for me.

Curious: did your aunt push back, or just move on to someone else’s plate?

Ha, the tactical pause. I do the same with my mom’s cornbread—fork down, sip water, wait.

I’m a broke dorm student, so Sunday dinner is basically my weekly Michelin star, and the aunt spoon is real. What saved me was a tiny bowl—like coffee-mug size—and I fill it once.

When she comes around, I say, “I’m pacing myself for your cornbread,” which is true and buys me a pause. I also keep a seltzer in my left hand so the spoon can’t land.

Does your aunt accept the “I’ll take a bite of protein instead of rice” trade? Mine does, mostly because it feels like she won the negotiation.

Down 14 is awesome—you’re playing chess, not checkers.

Stealing “sit with this for a bit”—my grandma’s spoon has a mind of its own 😅

The audacity of that spoon lol. Proud of you for holding your boundary at a 6.